“Friend Zone”

It is that When Harry Met Sally question–can men and women really be just friends?

Harry says no. “The sex part always gets in the way,” he says.

‘He does everything a boyfriend would do and gets no benefits.’ As if the only reason to be a good friend or a decent…human is if you get something in exchange.

I have always rolled my eyes at the idea of “the friendzone.” However, it was only until I encountered it firsthand—that is, as the alleged heartless and manipulative girl who led him on—that I realized how very problematic this concept is.

I understand the pain of rejection. I understand how frustrating it is to be turned down by that special person. I understand how and why this can lead to bitterness and resentment.

However, I think that the concept of “the friendzone” is dangerous. It encourages people to believe that if they are “nice” to someone, then they are entitled to not only their kindness, respect, and love, but their bodies. It promotes sex as something that people, most often women, owe to any individual who is “good” to her. And this is a crucial point that Dylan Garity makes in his spoken word poem, “Friend Zone.” In other words, it is very possible that the concept of the friendzone can potentially encourage rape culture.

 We all know the statistics. Your rapist is more likely to be someone that you know. The boogie man, the stranger in the alley is real but not as real as we are. We all know the statistics but we don’t know how to accept how easily we become part of the problem. You cannot kill a monster until you are willing to see it in the mirror…until you recognize its shape in your own skin.

This poem really touches upon some interesting and important points, and it is definitely worth watching. Be sure to watch it from beginning to end!

 

Post submitted by JoAnna

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One thought on ““Friend Zone”

  1. Rape is usually perpetrated by someone close to victim, that is exactly a reason to be suspicious of men. Men also commit the majority of crime. A woman entering a casual platonic relationship with a man has to be somewhat discerning as a rule. Some men will become stockers or just creepy etc.

    The issue is that in general, men want women’s bodies; This does necessarily stop the moment a girl rejects a guy. Many men have a tendency become obsessed in some way or another. Many men idealize or conversely despise women and this can lead to all kinds of troubling behavior especially when emotionally vulnerable. I don’t think it promotes rape culture for women to be aware of this and be especially selective with their relationships with not only men, but in general based on their real-world circumstances. The fact is, many women are aware and proceed with reasonable caution.

    On the other side of a coin, men cannot realistically expect a woman not to enjoy a mans company as long as he is bearable to be around. Men also cannot expect women to be straight forward with them. Lastly, a lot of men who would blame a girl for their being stupidly infatuated and lacking self-control are just grasping for straws to preserve their ego. Let us also not forget that men lead women on as well.

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