As a poet, I find it quite difficult to write poems. My mentors usually always tell me to free write. To write whatever is on my mind even if it does not make sense. I still find myself over thinking the process. I am always too busy thinking about what I want to write and not what I have to write. I find myself hesitating.
I have been writing poems for about ten years. I started doing slam poetry when I was 16. I was writing poems like crazy for competition. I was always surrounded by so many poets and writers that I looked up to. I aspired to be as talented and as cool as them. During that process, I severely criticized my own writing. Even with a simple free write, I was already critical of my thoughts and ideas. I felt I was losing my identity in my writing. I was too busy trying to be the slam poet that I watched on YouTube and it wasn’t until I decided to stop slamming that I felt my writing become honest.
My writing has finally become more about me. With my honesty though came more critiques. It’s interesting how we’re always our worst critics. Sometimes I find my writing either too sad or too emotional or too strong, but it is always the most honest representation of myself on paper.
To this day I am still critical of my writing. A critique on my writing is a critique on my actual self. I need to remember that my voice is different from everybody else’s. The only standard I should be living up to is my own.