Hey, my name is Monica: An Honest Poem

monica visual

Hey my name is Monica

or you can call me Moyqui like my family does

I’m 22 years old

but I get mistaken for 18

but I’m too fucking tall

5’9 to be exact

And yes I am afraid of heights

And spiders

And throwing up

And getting caught lying

And telling people how I truly feel

I’m a shitty friend

Because I think about myself too much

Or how I feel

I have little patience and time

I’m an Oakland girl

Born and raised

I say hella a lot

And I love Hennessy

And I love men in baggy jeans and t-shirts with Jordans and A’s and Raiders hats

But I have to remember I can’t save them

Sometimes they love me

But I think they wanna fuck me

This is what happens when you go from ugly to…not so ugly

It’s the curly hair

And the plunging neckline shirts

Yes I like to show my boobs

and I don’t give a fuck

I used to think I was a slut

And that’s what I blamed my loneliness on

I spent a long time trying to be somebody’s dream girl

Yet I claimed to be a strong badass woman

And I’ve let every man that has touched me without consent getaway

I stay silent.

I look prettier when I’m silent.

All I wanted to be was pretty

It’s a shame when you reduce yourself to body parts

It’s scary to be just be pretty and nothing more

To be a spectacle but with nothing else to show or prove

I need to stop serving my insides for others to eat

I clearly think about this too much

I am an overthinker

I daydream in the classroom

At the dinner table

On the 720 bus line

In my bed right before I go to sleep

When will I ever be my own dream woman?

Thin lines in between pretty woman vs. superwoman vs. wonder woman

I am always a work in progress

Always Oakland af

Lazy af

Petty af

Ride or die af

Immigrant daughter af

Poet af

Fashionista af

Makeup af

Mexicana af

Smart af

Conscious af

Traveler af

Thankful af

Curious af

Nervous af

Changing af

I am always a work in progress.

I tend to forget that often.

 

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