Times New Roman’s Lament

Hello, Doctor. My name is Times New Roman. I think there is something wrong with me.

I have been feeling rather depressed for a while. I have no energy, and nothing excites me anymore. You know, Doctor? I had so much energy back when I was starting out as a novice typeface. I was so incredibly ambitious. I wanted to conquer the world as the number one typeface — and I did. But… although I am now at the place I always wanted to be, I’m just not happy. Well, I still do everything I need to do because it is my job, but I no longer feel the passion I used to have for my work. I am always so tired.

To make matters worse, I have also been feeling a lot of hostility from the people around me. To my face, they might smile, but as soon as I turn my back I hear them whispering. They say that I am boring and plebeian, that I am a flatterer and a coward.

When did it start? Well, let’s see… it must have been a couple of years back. I was at the top of my form, dominating as the default font for all sorts of documents. I have always had some jealous dissenters, but strangely people started being much more vocal about what they thought of me. Look, there is this article titled: 5 Worst Fonts and Why and this other one called Why You Should Never Use these Fonts for Your Resume. I’m listed as #1 in both of them. They said I was pushover, one to just blend in and be nice to everyone. Plus, they said I was boring and common. They even slandered me, saying that I was getting around everywhere sleeping with different important people to get my contracts! I think the stress from that time has just been overwhelming.

I debuted in 1931 when my managers Stanley Morrison and Victor Lardent got me a nice gig with The Times a British newspaper, and I quickly spread my name as a respected classic typeface. While I was certainly not fancy, I was reliable and did my work well. When Microsoft made a contract with me, I became their default font, catapulting me to fame. Every day, I got work offers from every Jack, Jim, and Joe for their newspapers, essays, legal documents, everything.


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