Pineapple On Pizza

Since its creation in the 1960s, the pineapple pizza has attracted both widespread acclaim and corrosive hatred.  The combination of two such incongruous food types was (and still is) too much for some, To others, however, the product represent the fusion of two perfectly compatible foods.

The ones who are most opposed to putting any type of fruity condiment (tomato notwithstanding) on a bed of toasty cheese are usually the traditionalists.  The reactionary pepperoni-loving, sausage-munching warriors.  The red-blooded Italians.  It is no secret that the American pizza industry has warped the Neapolitan model beyond description.  Yet somehow, those Americans who readily order Little Caesar’s deep-dish have an equally deep and abiding hatred for all things acidic on top of half a pound of diabetes.

In the opposite camp are the sweet-toothed foodies, the pseudo-health nuts.  Nothing makes a guilty pleasure more palatable than a minuscule addition of fiber and manganese.  For these eaters, adding a little fruit to the equation is better than nothing.  After all, we only live once, so why not prolong it as long as possible?  A dash of kale in that breakfast oatmeal serving should fix one up for the week.  Eating peanut-butter-and-jelly?  Someone forgot to add a sprinkle of sunflower seeds.  While there’s nothing wrong with pineapple itself, claiming higher health awareness from five percent nutrients and ninety-five percent junk is counterintuitive.

Of course, there are those, like myself, who enjoy both sides of the argument, taking pineapple when we get it, gnoshing on pepperoni when we order it, and nibbling at plain cheese when out with that one friend who’s steadfastly, religiously, sometimes once-in-a-blue-moon-Saturdays-only vegetarian.  In other words, the rest of the people in this struggle that give no two figs on what’s on pizza, as long as it’s edible and not too leafy.

This issue is one of the most divisive in our country, in our time, and one that I care absolutely nothing about.  Reddit, meme miners, and pizza aficionados anywhere may vehemently disagree.